Disclaimer: I do not hate men nor make them responsible for all the evils of the world. I have two wonderful sons and a marvelous man in my life. This is about society in Spain.
We are no less feminine because we own our destinies.
What man likes a woman who can’t get along without him?
We all want love but nobody wants to be anyone’s servant. Female ‘weakness’ is a myth. There have been women who have taken advantage of this, although I don’t approve of it. As the saying goes, if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. If you want a dependant woman, you pay the price.
My maternal grandmother became a widow in 1933. She had seven children, ranging in age from twelve to three months. She was thirty five. She needed strength and courage to raise them, being illiterate. She grew a pair. She had to if she wanted to get by. Nobody took in a widow with seven kids, not then in pre-war, Civil War and post war Spain; and not now.
But a poor widower, or more recently, a divorced man, is a poor soul who needs to be sorted out with a woman by his side because the poor guy might feel lonely or bad.
Enter the double standard: A woman in the same circumstances is morally dubious, silly, crazy…
Because a woman has to be weak when she should follow and strong when nobody wants to lead.
Because a woman has to be smart so she can fend for herself but not too intelligent to challenge anyone’s intelligence.
Because a woman must be pretty so that men look at her, so she can then reject them (because if she doesn’t she’s a slut) after which they can call her frigid, stuck up and say she was asking for it. Whatever it takes to deny the fact that she is indeed her own person and needn’t cater to anyone else’s desires.
Because a woman must be pure until she has a formal relationship and then she must be able to execute the Kamasutra.
Because a woman has to bear children and then forget about everything else.
Motherhood is everything, all there is. Once you’re a mother, you are nothing more. Don’t look for a relationship! If there’s a chance of one, run! A mother cannot have a personal life. People are surprised at low birthrates. You can’t even have a personal life when your kids are grown. Just for the record, how many men are only considered as fathers? Once a father, only a father? I think not.
I lost a friend today for posting this. A woman. She said it was demeaning to widows. I myself am divorced. It seems that by some absurd stupidity of mine, I managed to insult myself and insult women. She ended up saying that it was presumptuous of me to think I could change any thing by saying it. It had always been that way and would always be that way.
The fire of fear sends smoke into people’s eyes to blind them from truths too hard to accept.
I am done trying to explain it.
End of rant.