The Unfamiliar Family, A Green DogView

 

What is a family? How does a family come to be a family? Who is responsible for keeping the family together?

To me, the point of family is to nurture, protect and support  people and in exchange these people accept certain common ‘burdens’ such as doing tasks and looking out for each other even if it means not  putting yourself first always.

My birth family  (cousins, aunts and uncles)are normal people. They seem to get along well. They don’t particularly dislike me but I am not particularly welcome either.  They can take or leave me, like an extra potato chip left in a bowl.

As I was neither born nor raised in the same country as my cousins, it seems I was expected  to take the steps to reassure them that I am grateful for their ‘support’ and acknowledgement of my existence. It has always been like walking in the dark, never knowing if I was going to get it right or not. Unconditional love was not a given. Furthermore, there are many unwritten rules that everybody seems to know, agreed upon stories that, if questioned, relegate you to outsider status. This has taken me years to comprehend and I still don’t quite grasp it entirely.

I  suspected early on that I was an intruder of sorts and that I couldn’t rely on my family except for emergencies, that I would not be welcome to just stop by for coffee and a chat. I tried and the outcome left me numb and out of sorts.

It is unsettling to be made to feel  out of place in the one place where you should be accepted just because you are YOU.

Whether for this reason or not, I seem to be incapable of creating a sense of family. By this I mean inspiring those closest to me to be close to each other and to me. It seems I am good at fostering independent individuals but not a group identity. This would be less important if I had a group of my own, a tribe of sorts, made up of friends and neighbours. But again, I seem to not know how to do it. I have few friends and more often than not they are far away and we do  not communicate frequently. While I treasure these friendships which have survived decades and distance, it appears that the universe conspires to leave me without a support system nearby.

I have this theory that I must have belonged to a big family in another life, a rather nondescript child, neither the youngest nor the oldest;  nor the most beautiful or the most hideous.

I have always been adrift on the sea of life, understanding deep inside that I was perhaps the odd one out for a reason, unrelated to the ones I should be, unaccepted, unmoored from the safety of the family dock.

This also reflects on my friendships. I wouldn’t call myself shy, although I am an introvert. I am comfortable in my own company and find small talk only acceptable in equally small doses. I have never had more than one or two friends at a time, in spite of hanging out with larger groups at certain moments of my life.

Is it just me? I  often feel like a balloon floating in the sky, something that people point to but doesn’t really matter.

Can anyone relate to this in any way?

<a href="https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/unmoored/">Unmoored</a>

2 thoughts on “The Unfamiliar Family, A Green DogView

Add yours

    1. I agree. I think I got sold the idea that family (blood family) was the most important thing and that nobody would love me more than them (implicitly saying that nobody would because I am not worthy to be loved by anyone other than those who ‘must’). Thank you for reading 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

WordPress.com.

Up ↑

milkcarton mugshot baby

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Tish MacWebber

Always Thinking...

Spanish Berry

I am a local. I am a foreigner.

#Speak

Break the silence. End the violence.

harpingbyapixiecom.wordpress.com/

"I feel in every girl, there is a spirit, a wild pixie, that if let go, would run and dance in grassy fields until the end of the world. And then that girl grows up, that pixie hides, but it is always there...peeking out behind old eyes and reading glasses, laughing, waiting to one day dance again." ~Atticus~

The Libertarian Ideal

For secession, decentralism, mutualism and organic tradition

NonUseMuse

Where I think out loud

Laura Grace Weldon

Free Range Learning, Creative Living, Gentle Encouragement, Big Questions, Poetry, Occasional Drollery

Poesy plus Polemics

Words of Wonder, Worry and Whimsy

A Writer's Soul

"Diving into a writers soul is discovering the broken treasure and beautiful mysteries that make you gasp for air."

lifesfinewhine

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

ADashofJhaee

✿Life Somewhere and Inbetween✿

SKYLARITY

Mindfulness, Spontaneity and Authenticity

Don't Do THAT! - mommy

Muddling through this Mom world making memories and sometimes mistakes but loving every moment.

%d bloggers like this: