A Day in Dementia

 

 

You say goodbye a little each day. You bear with tantrums as you try to understand their world. You let yourself down every day and every day you swear to never again forget that she doesn’t remember, that she doesn’t know. You surprise yourself with tears of frustration because you cannot give more, do more, care more. You blame yourself for not wanting to see her like this while knowing that ‘this’ is the best things will get. You know this is a countdown to oblivion, to nowhere.

You eye the grey hair on you head ever increasing and you realise that winter will be here soon, both inside and out. You fight  not to give in to the voice that repeats its lament in your mind :” When is it going to be my turn…?”. Frankly, nobody knows. Perhaps when the grey hair wins over, when the sun starts going down on the horizon. Perhaps when you take your mother’s place in the Granny chair, with wandering eyes, dry hopes, lost opportunities and dead wishes.


Te despides poco a poco, todos los dias. Te llevas berrinches, intentando entender su mundo. Te decepcionas de tí misma a diario, y a diario Te juras no volver a olvidar que Ella no recuerda, que no sabe… Y Te sorprendes a tí misma con lágrimas de rabia e impotencia de no poder dar más, ser mejor, querer más… Y Te culpas por no querer verla así, y sabes que esto es lo mejor que vas a estar, que estás en una cuenta atras, en una cuesta abajo lenta e inexorable hacia ninguna parte o hacia todas… Y Te lamentas Cuando ves las Canas en Tu cabeza que ganan terreno y echas cuenta de que enseguida Será invierno, fuera y dentro. Procuras no rendirte a esa voz que Te aturde con su lamento ‘ y yo…¿cuando me toca?’ Pues, francamente, ni se sabe… Tal vez Cuando las canas venzan, Cuando ya el Sol se esconda, Cuando reemplaces a Tu madre en el sillón de la abuela, con los ojos perdidos, las Esperanzas secas, el futuro pasado, las oportunidades baldías y las ganas de vivir, muertas.

4 thoughts on “A Day in Dementia

Add yours

    1. Imagine mixing vascular dementia in my mom with my youngest son’s Asperger… some days it’s draining and makes you doubt your sanity. In spite of these challenges I am grateful because they have in some ways made me stronger and more empathetic towards others and their struggles. The rule for me is : If you don’t live it, you don’t get to judge it.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Cloak Unfurled

Life is a journey. Let us meet at the intersection and share a story.

richardint

seguís luchando y por nada te des por vencido

SeventhRay 2035

Life, the Universe and Yourself

Periódico Anarquista: La Boina.

"Ved, hermano, he aquí una, de mecha crepitante, es de papel, tinta y dinamita cerebral. ¡Estalla!" Armando Triviño; 1919

milkcarton mugshot baby

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Tish MacWebber

Always Thinking...

Spanish Berry

I am a local. I am a foreigner.

#Speak

Break the silence. End the violence.

harpingbyapixiecom.wordpress.com/

"I feel in every girl, there is a spirit, a wild pixie, that if let go, would run and dance in grassy fields until the end of the world. And then that girl grows up, that pixie hides, but it is always there...peeking out behind old eyes and reading glasses, laughing, waiting to one day dance again." ~Atticus~

The Libertarian Ideal

For secession, decentralism, mutualism and organic tradition

NonUseMuse

Where I think out loud

Laura Grace Weldon

Free Range Learning, Creative Living, Gentle Encouragement, Big Questions, Poetry, Occasional Drollery

Poesy plus Polemics

Words of Wonder, Worry and Whimsy

A Writer's Soul

"Diving into a writers soul is discovering the broken treasure and beautiful mysteries that make you gasp for air."

lifesfinewhine

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

ADashofJhaee

✿Life Somewhere and Inbetween✿

%d bloggers like this: